Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
