He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
