Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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