roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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