Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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