shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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