Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
