Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
