My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i came on her dog
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
