I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
