I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
