I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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