the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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