My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just had sex on a roof
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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