i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
