Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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