How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
