Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
