Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
