is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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