can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We had to coat check the pizza.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
