Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just gargled with NyQuil
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
