All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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