Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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