Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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