He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A bitchslap is in order.
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