She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
