My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
