if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
