Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
