I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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