last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
