It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
