no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
