I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
