i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Couch. On fire.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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