I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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