im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
