conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
