Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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