I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
