Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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