the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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