i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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