I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
