You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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