I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
