i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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