Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
