A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
