why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
