you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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